What would Love decide? What would fear decide?
Seeing an old woman with dirty feet, brown, wrinkled, cracking skin, long black hair with streaks of gray down to the top of her colorfully woven skirt bowing down low to the ground pleading to the statue of Mary for something in her native language, my heart breaks.
Instantly a battle begins within me:
(Love: Jenna you need to do something. This woman has a need that will never get met by a statue of Mary. You know the Truth, Jenna. You know the One who has the power.
Fear: You don't speak her language. She will be so offended if a foreigner comes up to her and says anything. You aren't Catholic or Mayan, you shouldn't even be in this place. She will laugh at you.
Love: Jenna you are a missionary to these people. This is why you are here. She has nothing and anything you give her she will appreciate.
Fear: Someone else will do it...wait until you can at least speak their language. Save a little face ----)
Cutting fear off, I think- what would Love decide? Then I think- what would fear decide? I have a gospel of John. I quietly walk up behind where she is kneeling and lay it on the bench. As soon as she stands up and turns around, it will be right there for her to take.
Outside around a fire is another Mayan woman. She has sprinkled red and white rose petals over the fire and is burning them with oil and incense. She has a long stick in her hand. She is chanting and circling the fire. I watch her for a few minutes and notice a young man standing there. He seems to be with the lady and waiting patiently for her to get done.
As the battle within me begins again, I quickly ask myself - what would Love decide? what would fear decide?
I walk over to the man with two gospels and despite all the fear of rejection I had trying to rise up inside of me, I tap his shoulder and he turns around. I hand him two gospels and tell him one is for him and the other is for her, I motioned toward the woman chanting at the fire. He understood the Spanish and so I told him to tell her that the answers she is searching for, she will find in this book. He smiles from ear to ear a genuine smile of appreciation. Geoffrey and I walk away.
Last week, Geoffrey and I were heading back to the apartment when two greasy, dirty kids with hoods over their heads were passing by us. I heard, "Yenna!" I looked down and my heart instantly filled with joy. Two of the kids from Esperanza were standing there waiting on me to recognize them. It was Jason and his little sister Dulce. I knew Jason was a lustrador (shoe-shiner), but I wasn't sure why Dulce was with him. I didn't know what to say, but the first thing out of my mouth was, "Are y'all hungry? Do you want something to eat?" They were definitely hungry and I wanted to take them up to the apartment and give them some food.
The battle began:
(Love: Take them up and show them warmth and love and feed them and spend time with them.
Fear: If you take them to your house people might think something bad. They won't like your food anyway. They can't make money working if they are eating lunch with you.
Love: These are the children you are here for. Feed them.)
Fear always seems to have more to say than Love.
Up to the apartment we went. I cooked them some scrambled eggs and gave them bread and Sprite. They loved it. They did not like sweet tea and they did not like my chocolate cookies (weird I know lol). We talked and talked and Geoffrey played his guitar and then we let them get on back to shining shoes. They come into Coban various days of the week and get here about 5am and walk the streets all by themselves looking for men who need their shoes shined. They were covered in grease and absolutely filthy. They do this until about 5pm and then they get on a chicken bus and go back to Esperanza. They earn Q.3 per pair of shoes and that is about 36 cents. They do not go to school and they do not play games. They work harder than most people I know and on a good day they may bring home about $2 to their family.
That is Jason on the right. He is 12 years old and Dulce, on the left of me is 9. A month ago someone broke into their house and stole all the shoes they had and all the toys they had (which I am sure wasn't many). This picture was taken back in November before their stuff was stolen. They can not attend school because they can not afford the required items. Therefore, they work in the streets so their families can eat.
Geoffrey and I decided that for our dinners we would not eat until we were stuffed, but that we would be sure to save leftovers enough to feed the kids if they come by. And sure enough just yesterday, Jason and his shoe-shiner cousin, Selvin, came by. This time they ate for the first time all day, spaghetti and rice and a fried egg and bread. They drank Sprite and then wanted a cup of coffee with milk. These are tiny boys, but they are so hungry.
We have been seeing more and more homeless guys lately, besides our normal one we buy clothes for. The other day we passed by him and he was standing at the window of a restaurant just staring in, almost with his face against the glass. I wasn't paying much attention to anything, but Geoffrey decided we needed to go buy him some food. So we went and got him some fresh soft bread and a big bottle of pure water and gave it to him. I think he was hungry, because as soon as it left my hands and went into his, he started walking away looking for somewhere to sit and eat his food.
But today there was another homeless guy who I have not seen before sitting on the ground right at the gate entrance to our apartment!! I was like "Geoffrey, um, what is that guy doing sitting next to our gate?" It was obvious he was homeless. Anyway, I had just prayed a few hours earlier during my quiet time that the Lord would bring WHOEVER He wanted us to help to us and show us how to help them and we would do it.
As we approached him he asked if we could give him a tortilla. I said, "Sure, no problem, we will be right back." I put the stuff up in the apartment and Geo went to buy tortillas. We gave him four and haven't seen him since.
Sergio, remember Sergio from the paca?
He asked us last week if he could please come over and study the Bible with us. We didn't offer it, he just asked us out of no where. I told him that would be great, we would love to. He decided after the first lesson of Bible study, that he liked it so much he wanted to come twice a week. We are already teaching English to some kids on Tuesdays and Thursdays in the evening, so we told him it would have to be Monday and Wednesday. Monday and Wednesday it is!
As far as other new and interesting things, there aren't many more. We are still praying and searching for land. It can be discouraging at times because land is hard to come by here and when we finally find a peice to see, it usually isn't land that would be easy to make a children's home on. We are planning to see some tomorrow and are praying hard that it will be good.
Ms. Fran is doing well and we met some other missionaries here with the Mennonite Church. They seem very friendly and we look foward to getting to know them better and learn from them.
So what would Love decide? What would fear decide? The battle within me is growing smaller and smaller and I hope that one day I will be trained to act always in Love as opposed to fear. After all, Love conquers all things and there is no fear in Love. Perfect Love drives out fear. And what an opportunity we miss out on when we fail to show the love of Christ to those who need it the most, all because of fear.
Pray with us that:
- Our situation with our Visas will be resolved quickly.
- We would find the perfect land.
- The Lord would show us more ways we can serve the people here.
- The Lord would bring along more and more individuals and families who would partner with our ministry in reaching the orphans here in Jesus' name.
Because He first loved us,
Jenna and Geoffrey
I will be praying for you both Jenna. God ALWAYS has a plan. Jer. 29:11
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